| Not quite as bad as I thought |
[Jul. 9th, 2007|12:20 am] |
Apparently, once I handed him my keys (and with Garrett's influence) my dad sort of realized how what he'd said had sounded. We managed to talk it out. I have a place to live. I have my keys back. Things are not quite as bad as I thought they were. However, this makes two fights with my dad in 4 days that have left me crying and feeling worthless.
Now, my dad is not a bad guy. However, when he's hurt and frustrated, and especially if he's been drinking, he lashes out at whoever gives him reason to be annoyed. We don't exactly have a close relationship anymore due to a few choice fights when he really twisted the knife. But we do normally have a stable and even amicable relationship.
This means I really have to get out of here. My living at home is bad for both of us.
Please do not send me sympathy. In my current state, I will read it as pity. However, if you can help me pull myself out of this ditch, I'd appreciate it. I just need to get myself moving again. |
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| I was so close to getting out |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|11:39 pm] |
I came home tonight to my father on the couch, whiskey in hand. My family had apparently been cleaning all day. This included them moving all my sewing stuff. I'd previously told my father I'd take care of it, but that I wouldn't really be home until sunday night. Whatever. They actually arranged everything very nicely upstairs, for which I am very grateful.
However, when I went into my room, which was already horribly messy, I found that not only was the only source of light aside from my bedside table gone, a table full of assorted sewing stuff had been dumped everywhere. The table was placed in the living room. Now, I'd previously talked to my father about how I would take care of my room when I had a day off. He decided that since I dared complain that a) I couldn't see and b) the room was even worse than before, this made me an ungrateful asshole.
He also decided it was my fault exclusively that the house was messy, even though I haven't been home in three weeks except to sleep, and haven't really eaten at home in longer since there's never any food anyway. This from the man who hasn't cleaned his room since my mom died. He then informed me I had a week to get all my shit out of the upstairs appartment. And if I'm really lucky, he might let me pay rent for a tiny room downstairs, you know, next to the bathroom that doesn't have a sink. Though, there isn't actually a room he could move me into. I figure I bascially got kicked out.
I gave him my car keys. I can't afford to pay him back for the car and pay for my prescriptions and pay my student loans on top of paying rent that I can't afford anyway because I make less than $10 an hour at the soul sucking job I've been at for 4 years. The soul sucking job, btw, is screwing with my hours.
Yesterday, I had a car, I was very close to getting my liscence, and I was seriously trying to figure out how to get myself into grad school.
I just want to start walking, but I don't know where I'd go. |
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| Greek mythology quiz |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|11:36 pm] |
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It's not showing the code for anything but MySpace. Anyhoo, I came up as Orpheus. Tabitha came up as Apollo. |
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| Ack |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|01:21 am] |
I am so totally unprepared for the campout. I don't understand Changeling magic/combat (never have, possibly never will). After looking for my Evil Buddha notebook all last week, I found it yesterday, and updated my sheet in Grapevine to reflect the last time I spent xp (january). Sometime between then and say 10:30ish tonight, when I remembered I hadn't sent in my DTR yet, my computer ate my sheet and Evil Buddha got lost, again. I found the notebook around 11:45. I finally got everything logged propperly and all my weird ass notes turned into intelligible math about 15 minutes ago.
And now I'm walking into a fight with The Big Bad clueless and missing 6 months of xp. This blows. |
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| Those involved in the Quest-o-Doom at the coming campout |
[Jun. 10th, 2007|11:48 pm] |
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Late-ish this evening, I remembered Josh saying something about trying to get together in person tomorrow. Is this still something people want to do? I'm not entirely sure how I'll be getting to this thing, but I may be able to figure something out if someone can get a hold of me early enough tomorrow. I'm working 10-6, but I can certainly take (brief) calls at the store. 657-1636. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2007|07:27 pm] |
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You are The High Priestess
Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.
The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Seriously, Dave, we have to stop getting the exact same results on every LJ quiz. |
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| I almost stepped on a baby today. |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|07:13 pm] |
I mean that literally. A small, not-even-walking-yet child crawled past my feet in that way that causes people to step on their cats. Her vapid, irresponsible cow of a mother was on the other side of the department having a conversation. The baby was in the company of her 5 year old brother.
I hate people. |
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| No surprizes here |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|11:56 am] |
| What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works.
It's okay. I understand. | | Drama Nerd | | | Artistic Nerd | | | Social Nerd | | | Gamer/Computer Nerd | | | Science/Math Nerd | | | Anime Nerd | | | Musician | | What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quizzes for MySpace |
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| damned lingering death plague |
[Mar. 1st, 2007|06:45 pm] |
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I've had to turn down more invitations out in the last three days than I usually get in a two week period. Grr. |
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| Lost in Austenland |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|11:30 pm] |
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I should never have read "Pride and Prejudice." |
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| Wow, it's like my high school years exploded on this list |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|07:06 pm] |
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. No cheating, b'atch!!!
Opening Credits: "Whistles the Wind" Flogging Molly
Waking Up: "Petite Noya" Gipsy Kings
First Day At School: "Positively 4th Street" Bob Dylan (aparently this involves a falling out)
Falling In Love: "Not A Crime" Gogol Bordello
Breaking Up: "Zero" Smashing Pumpkins (Gee, no bitterness here)
Prom: "When I Come Around" Green Day
Life's Okay: "Boogie" Gipsy Kings
Mental Breakdown: "One Song Glory" Rent Soundtrack
Driving: "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" Cyndi Lauper
Flashback: "Just a Girl" No Doubt
Getting Back: "Piano Man" Billy Joel (Hmm)
Wedding Scene: "It Ain't Me, Babe" Bob Dylan (I get the feeling someone's busting up this wedding)
Birth of Child: "Tonight, Tonight" Smashing Pumpkins
Final Battle: "Losing My Religion" REM (...and it will involve drinking pensively?)
Death Scene: "Extrordinary Girl" Green Day
Funeral Song: "Desperately Wanting" Better Than Ezra
End Credits: "Dogs Were Barking" Gogol Bordello |
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| I also have no questions, but, what the hell? |
[Dec. 20th, 2006|06:40 pm] |
Meme
1 question.
1 chance.
1 answer.
100% honest.
That's all you get.
You get to ask me 1 question.
ANY 1 question
Conditions: I won't tell ANYONE what you asked me and I'll answer it honestly.
The catch is,
you have to repost this
and see what people ask you.
All questions and answers will be screened. |
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| Oh, the times they are a-changin' |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|05:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | free | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Shakira--Oral Fixation, volume 2 (yeah, you heard me) | ] |
I cut my hair today. Don't worry. I haven't copied my sister. It's a super cute little bob. I absolutely love it. And best of all, seeing it this length makes me realize the impulse to cut it wasn't just motivated by spite.
Now I feel like going out. Anybody up for doing something tomorrow night? |
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| musings |
[Dec. 7th, 2006|09:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
Do we find it easier to express our emotions through our characters? Or do we communicate this way because others find it more palatable? Maybe I'm just reaching.
I keep coming back to certain themes in my characters. They never play out in just the same way, but most of them are usually there to some degree. Loss, the need to never be or seem weak, the idea that love requires fighting for it. Very often there's a profound sadness somewhere beneath the surface. I have to wonder if I have unreasonable expectations, especially where love is concerned.
I also have to wonder why I let game be my only outlet for these. If I keep repeating these ideas, I must need to express them. But, somehow, none of it is anything I feel like I can really talk about. It's not specifically that I feel like I shouldn't. And it isn't just fear of sympathetic but empty hugs--emotional pats on the head. I don't really know how to say things. Somehow, I cannot find a way to say things which ought to be simple without thinking maybe I'll sound like a lunatic. And some of them may be silly. Have you ever clung to a simple idea from childhood so long and fiercely that you need to express it, need the people you love to understand it, but can't actually say it because you can't convey just why it is so personal, so intimate?
I'm not sure what I think about a great many things.
"All these things have you said of beauty.
Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied,"
--Kahlil Gibran, "The Prophet" |
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| Wow, 1999 had some crappy music... |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|08:13 pm] |
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So, I was going to swipe Cat's music thing, but it's just not even worth it. I think I had one song in bold... |
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| Howard Carter rules |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|01:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
The Franklin Institute Science Museum in Philadelphia will be hosting the Tutankhamen exhibit from February 3, 2007 to September 30, 2007. It's in Chicago right now, and it'll be going to London after it wraps up in Philadelphia. I am so excited. I have been waiting to see this stuff in person since 3rd grade. Wow, I'm such a nerd. |
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sexybathsheba's journal
